Top Rage - April 1998
Hi. I need to vent.
Yesterday (Sunday), I had to go to my wife's uncle's birthday party. I had plans to play on my brand new Sea-Doo, watch hockey, basketball, and baseball yesterday. But no....
Okay, I can see from your expression you think I'm whinning. Let me describe a few of her relatives. This will give you a little bit of the flavor of the day I had...
Uncle Phil (Birthday boy): Has colon cancer. Weighs about 80 pounds. Not a happy camper. Fell asleep alot.
Uncle Ray: Has Alheizmers. Doesn't remember anything that happened in the past three minutes including people. Kept calling me Gene. Pissed all over himself when Uncle Phil blew out his candles.
Aunt June: Has cancer. Smoked all her life. Hacked up flem balls most of the day. Liked dark beer. Farted alot.
Cousin Andy: 44 years old. Broke both hips as a child. Never healed properly because mother (Aunt Anne) was a Christian Science and refused to take him to doctors. He's now crippled. Addicted to cocaine and alcohol, which he openly used during the party. Picked fights with most of the relatives all day.
Aunt Anne: Andy's mother. Hostess. Uncle Phil's wife. Wanted me to help clean her pool. Wouldn't do it. Didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. Told my wife that I wasn't very nice.
Cousin Vincent: 16 years old. Weighs over 250 pounds. Wore baggy pants. Picked his nose most of the day. Ate all the chocolate pie before I got a chance to have a piece. Uncle Joesph told a group of us the story about how he caught Vincent mastarbating in the bedroom one Christmas eve.
Uncle Joseph: Unaware of relationship to anyone at this party. Had cancer. Very proud he's still alive when doctors said he'd be dead by now. Sickly thin. Sneezed on cake.
Cousin Sara: 19 years old. Stripper -- I'm serious. Brought boyfriend. Black dude with alot of jewelry. They stayed for about ten minutes. I sat on the couch hoping for freebee. Didn't get one.
Cousin Ted: Thin gay guy with AIDS. Sat in chair and didn't talk to anyone most of the day. I brought him glass of Pepsi he asked for. It dribbled down his face when he drank it. Never got up to clean himself.
So, how was your weekend....?
Click the hoppin' mad dude to set yourself free!!! |
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